Oh Shit

I am nervous today.  I am trying to keep it quiet - so I will post it here.  I had a mammogram 10/15 and on 11/1 I got a letter that said "Your screening mammogram shows the need for further evaluation.  We would like you to have a left breast magnification images."  Oh Shit.  I went through my papers to find the mammogram results from last year....they were PERFECT.  Oh Shit.  I had to call the gyno office to get the new test scheduled, this was a Friday.  Today is Monday and I have to be a Baptist Women's Health Center at 2pm.  Oh Shit.

My brain is, and has been, spinning.  Every worst case scenario has been played out in my head.  I cut 11.5 inches of hair Friday for Locks of Love.  I was planning on waiting until January to donate the hair, but thinking about what I am facing - it seemed like a good time to 'pay it forward'.  I am stunned. 

My brain is going through everything.  My gastroenterologist told me last week that there were 'markers" in blood that point to an auto immune issue.  I chose to wait until Feb to re-do the blood tests rather than get a liver biopsy now.  What if those results are a precursor to the news I am getting today?  Oh Shit.

What if I do have cancer?  That will change everything.  My husband is the sick one...not me.  How will he handle it?  How will my job be affected?  So many feelings, fears, and internal struggles.

Just...Oh Shit.